You Are More Than That by Rajiv Juneja

Author:Rajiv Juneja
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2013-02-21T16:00:00+00:00

EXERCISE:

Asking the Right Questions

Ask yourself the following questions:

• How available am I?

• What am I looking for?

• How available is my possible partner, based on behavior, not words?

• How will this relationship affect my life?

• Can I accept this person unconditionally?

• What does love mean to me?

Healing Love Relationships

I was only five minutes into my first session with Freddy and Rachel when I began to sense the deep annoyance between them. A few minutes later, Rachel declared she was ready to leave.

“Would you mind if I stayed?” Freddy asked.

“Whatever you want,” she said, her anger just barely restrained.

“Is it really okay?”

She stared at him intensely.

“What are you staring at?” he asked, and the fireworks began.

Their rage, the violent feelings they ate and slept with, swept over the room and swirled around me. She abruptly got up from her seat and left. Later, I learned she walked along the side of the highway toward home rather than waiting for Freddy to drive her.

After this first session, I knew it was critical that I make clear to them how destructive their reactive behavior was. If they were going to go on like this, I could not help them. We made appointments for the three of us to meet, a few more times, but usually Freddy came alone, and each time he was one step closer to calling it quits. Eventually, he crossed paths with an old flame from high school. He told me one day that he was done being in an abusive marriage, and he was leaving. To be fair, I never really had a chance to get to know his soon-to-be ex-wife or to hear how she felt about him and their relationship. There was a tremendous amount of damage and resentment when they walked in the door; perhaps the marriage was over already.

For some people, the advice I’ve offered in the last chapter comes too late. They have already chosen a partner and, for a variety of reasons, it may be hard to end that relationship. Like Freddy and Rachel, the couple may be married. They may have children together. In today’s difficult economic times, each partner may worry about the financial consequences if their two-income household loses half its resources.

And two people on the verge of a breakup may have a true connection, a bond of love that has grown over many years. However, love is not enough in its own right to lead to relationships that last. It takes not just love, but a strong desire for a life together with similar long-term goals that work for both partners. If their goals in life and in the relationship are very different, partners may find in the end that all the love they feel for each other won’t let them build a satisfying life together.

Some will say, “But we love each other unconditionally.” I tell them, “If you truly loved the other unconditionally, then you would be willing to make the radical changes that are needed for the survival of your relationship.

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